I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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