I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Boobs are out for the taking
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
