I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're a waste of cheezeits
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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