sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
