I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
