Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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