sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
