ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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