rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
