I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
