His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
