Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
