Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
