I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
