Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
