Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
