New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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