She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
