I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
only if we run a train.
done.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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