i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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