Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize