toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
