i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
