she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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