True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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