I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
