in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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