Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
