I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
