I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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