It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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