I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
