The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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