he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
