remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
