Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
