my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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