Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
