i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
