You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize