Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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