I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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