Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize