Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
