I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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