You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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