Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
