I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
