apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
