I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
