just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize