I think I died a long time ago.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
