is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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