if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
