I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
and she was petting her beer can
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
