so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
