Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
