just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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