Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
