he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
