the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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