I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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