I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
