I faked an abortion last night.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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