I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
