Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
