So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
